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  Today Online 18 Nov 05
How that $160m can be used

 East Coast Park getting a makeover? Why not have indoor pools, ERP gantries for pathways and underground parking

WHEN I saw the headline from yesterday's Today (say that quickly 10 times), I had to read it more than once.

"East Coast Park, 30, gets a facelift," it read. Thirty years old and already needing a facelift? I am 36 this year, like this how?

Apparently the Government has set aside $160 million for the facelift. That's a lot of moolah for a nose job.

Actually when you think about it, East Coast Park is like a facelift itself, for Singapore. The park sits on reclaimed land. So it is actually a part of Singapore that was there before. It's like adding a new nose to the face of Singapore. Or making the nose sharper. So the nose job of Singapore is getting a $160-million nose job.

When I told my friend about the $160-million revamp, he said: "East Coast got voters, meh?" I promptly hit him on the back of the head and said: "Don't talk nonsense, lah, why would you think that just because the Government spends $160 million on a precinct, it has to do with elections?"

Besides, there are no voters in East Coast Park. Fish and crabs cannot vote. . NParks is inviting public feedback on the types of activities and amenities people would like to see at East Coast Park.

First of all, I think we should spend a few million dollars improving the bicycle and pedestrian pathways. Make them flyovers, because I am sick of people walking on the bicycle track, and bicycles travelling on the pedestrian walkway.

In fact, install some million-dollar technology to remind people that they should not cycle on the pedestrian walkway or walk on the bicycle track, like those electronic signboards on the ECP (the expressway, not the park). In fact, just transfer those Emas signboards to the park, I don't see them used much anyway.

I would even install sensors, million dollar ones, of course (nothing but the best will do), that can tell when a bicycle strays onto the pedestrian walkway where my little children are walking, and electrocute the cyclist as a reminder not to do that again.

Same for pedestrians who stray onto the bicycle path, who force cyclists to jam their brakes and swerve to avoid them, and prevent said cyclist from showing off his slick bike moves and body-hugging spandex. Send a nice strong current through the pedestrian for his trespass.

If electrocuting people and cyclists is too inhumane, then maybe install some ERP gantries to deduct money from their CashCards if they travel on the wrong pathways. Although some people may say, using ERP is even more inhumane.

I think we should also spend some of that $160 million on an MRT station for East Coast Park. The place is a pain to drive to during the weekends and the nearest MRT station is at Bedok.

I mean, if we are spending so much on improving the park, how about an easy way to get there?

And if it is not too much trouble, maybe also make sure the MRT station that you build for East Coast Park does not take two and a half years and a few white elephant drawings before it is open for business.

I understand that they are not going to build multi-storey carparks as part of the facelift. Thank goodness.

We need another multi-storey carpark in our lives like a fish needs a bicycle. Our lives seem to be multi-storey everything ? multi-storey carparks, multi-storey markets, multi-storey shopping centres. So much so that when we go to other countries, we are shocked to see single-storey shopping malls, and oh my goodness, sky and open spaces!

Maybe we could build some underground carparks. Then people coming to East Coast Park will not have to see cars, which spoil the whole beach getaway feeling. But make sure you don't dig too deep, the place is reclaimed land after all. Sea water does terrible things to a car's leather upholstery.

I also suggest we build some swimming pools in East Coast Park. I know, I know, why build pools when you already have a beautiful man-made beach?

Well, not everyone wants to swim in the yucky sea with the slimy bottom and sand that gets into your swimsuit (and makes you walk funny). Some of us like the nice clean waters of a pool. We can landscape the pools to look natural, but without the uncertainty of jellyfish or unrecognisable sea creatures. A kind of sanitised beach. I think it will be very popular with Singaporeans.

And maybe we can even make the beach-like pools shaded. For Singaporeans who do not like to get sunburned. Better yet, go all the way and make it air-conditioned.

That's it! Air-conditioned indoor swimming pools made to look like a beach!

We can call it the East Coast Indoor Beach. Get in touch with Mother Nature the safe and clean way.

And for Singaporeans who find it a real pain to fish at the jetties off East Coast Park, we can build a small little pond filled with fish so that wannabe fishermen can try their hand at some fishing without the wait ? $5 per hour, bait and rod included.

Singapore is a fast-paced society, and who has time to sit at the Bedok jetty overnight to catch some fish, right?

Lastly, we should consider erecting some tents at the beach ? The East Coast Tent Hotel. Singaporeans who want a taste of the great outdoors can rent a tent for a few nights, and enjoy beach-front living.

Air-con and attached toilets will cost extra.

mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He loves the beach, it's the people he can't stand.
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On the NParks website: View the East Coast Park Concept Plan online exhibition and give your views!
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